


Crocuses // Purple

by diaryofageekgirl



Series: Femslash February 2020: A Rainbow Bouquet [5]
Category: Supernatural, Wayward Sisters - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Collage, Cover Art, F/F, Femslash February, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Non-Explicit Sex, i guess?, internalized heteronormativity, minor references to the rest of the waywards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:20:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22795420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diaryofageekgirl/pseuds/diaryofageekgirl
Summary: “Why is it, that I can face down monsters and ghosts and demons, but reaching across this table and holding your hand scares the shit out of me?”
Relationships: Donna Hanscum/Jody Mills
Series: Femslash February 2020: A Rainbow Bouquet [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1621381
Comments: 10
Kudos: 21





	Crocuses // Purple

**Author's Note:**

> Part 5 of Femslash February!
> 
> In [Marigolds // Orange](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22592140), Alex mentioned Jody and Donna spending the weekend at Donna's cabin. Here's what happened there.

* * *

Jody carefully eased her truck around the corner onto the winding dirt road. Just ahead of her, Donna was in her own truck, leading the way to the Hanscum cabin. The path wound its way through the Minnesota woods, the truck’s tires bounced and bumped along the uneven ground, but Jody knew her truck well, and she trusted Donna – and her sense of direction – implicitly.

Jody let her mind wander as she drove. The past few weeks had been some of the most intense she’d ever experienced – and considering she’d spent about 30 years in law enforcement, that’s saying something. First meeting and taking in Patience, then Kaia, then learning about alternate universes and other worlds, then monsters invading from those other worlds, then Claire and Kaia running through a rift between worlds, and ending with Kaia dead, but then _not_ dead and in the hospital?

Yeah, a weekend getaway was just what she needed after all of that.

She couldn’t help worrying about the girls. She knew they were all more than capable of taking care of themselves, but after all the stress and turmoil they recently went through, she was more on edge than usual, and she could only assume they were too. Alex was used to being in charge at home when Jody couldn’t be there, and Patience was also planning on a weekend trip to relax. Jody thought it would be good for her, to make sure she didn’t have to completely uproot herself from her old life, and maybe give her a chance to get used to her powers without a life-or-death situation bearing down on her. On top of that, Kaia was due to get out of the hospital today, and she knew that Claire would be driving herself up the walls with concern.

She realized she was getting tense, and forcibly dropped her shoulders and let out a rough exhale. _They’ll be fine. They can take care of themselves, and they’ll call if anything goes wrong. You know you have to look after yourself too_. She took one hand off of the steering wheel to rub at the back of her neck. Of course, leaving the girls on their own was only half of the reason she was uncertain about this trip…

She was startled out of her thoughts by the cover of pine branches giving way to bright sunlight. She flipped her truck’s visor down, carefully following Donna around a bend before pulling up and parking beside her. She hopped out of her truck, walking over to the back to grab her bags as Donna did the same.

“Hey Jodio! No troubles making your way here?” Jody shut the door to her truck, pushing the button on her keys to lock it with a bright chirp. She hefted her bag onto her shoulder, before turning to face Donna.

“Nope! Not a problem – I had an excellent guide,” she said, playfully bumping Donna’s shoulder with her own. Donna grinned back at her. The two of them walked slowly up the drive to the cabin, boots crunching in the February snow. “How long have you had this place?”

Donna shrugged sheepishly, looking embarrassed. “Oh, a few years now. It was, y’know. A gift.” She bit her lip for a moment before continuing, much quieter, “a wedding present from Doug’s parents.”

Jody flinched, smacking herself mentally for inadvertently bringing up Doug the Douche. Donna had done a great job of moving on from her shitty ex-husband, but sometimes there were little things that reminded her of him. She stayed silent, not quite sure what to say to make things less awkward.

“Y’know, when we got divorced, he just let me have it? Said it wasn’t worth the upkeep.” Donna’s voice was a little pinched, her tone falsely bright. Jody hooked one of her arms around Donna’s, smiling reassuringly at her.

“Well, it’s his loss. And what’s he talking about, not worth the upkeep, the place looks great!” Donna smiled back at her, brightening up considerably.

“Isn’t it? I come up here whenever I take vacation days – especially in the spring. It reminds me of home. When my brother and I were little, our parents would take us out to the park and we’d look for the first crocuses of the spring. We’d see if any robins had come back yet, and my brother would chase the gophers around.”

Donna had stopped walking, and was now staring at the front door of the cabin, her expression soft and fond. Jody knew she was staring, but just like everything else about Donna, she found herself captivated. After a few minutes, Donna shook herself, pulling her arm free and turning to smile brightly at Jody.

“Look at me, just goin’ all daydreamy while you’re standin’ out in the cold. C’mon in, I’ll give ya the tour.” Donna marched up the steps to the front door, humming under her breath. Jody watched her for a moment, her eyes tracing her figure beneath her jacket. She huffed a breath, shook her head and hoped to god her blush would disappear before she caught up to Donna.

_I am so fucked._

* * *

Donna was waiting for her in the entryway, already having taken off her coat and boots, and had leaned around the corner to turn the lights on in the main area of the cabin. Donna smiled brightly at Jody, taking her bag from her to let her take her boots off.

As Jody hung her coat up on the hook on the wall, Donna was already off, wandering into the cabin, flicking on lights and turning up the thermostat as she went. Jody trailed after her, taking in the atmosphere of the cabin. The building was cozy, the entire structure made of bare wood, the beams in the ceiling catching the sunlight streaming in through the bay windows and making the room glow golden. The furniture was all mix-and-matched, but all of it looked comfortable and well used.

She followed Donna towards the back of the cabin, where she twirled around to face Jody.

“Bathroom’s on the left there, the master bed’s at the end of the hall. The guest room is on the right, but it hasn’t really been used, and it sure as heck isn’t as nice as the master, so we can share if you wanna. There’s more than enough room.” Jody swallowed roughly. She knew that Donna was only asking as a good host, and a good friend, but the idea of sharing a bed with her…

“Nah, I can take the guest room. I tend to kick in my sleep; I wouldn’t want to keep you up.”

Donna raised her eyebrows at her, questioningly. “If you’re sure…”

“I’ll be fine,” Jody reassured her.

Donna studied her face for a moment before nodding, and the two of them split off to enter their respective rooms and drop off their bags.

Jody flicked on the lights and shut the door behind her. She sighed roughly, turning around to lean back against the door. She felt bad about lying to her best friend, but she also didn’t think she could handle being in the same bed as Donna, legs tangled together, breathing in each other’s air –

She groaned, tipping her head back until it thunked against the door. This was going to be a long weekend.

* * *

For most of the afternoon, Jody and Donna wandered around in the woods. Donna named different species of plants and trees, pointed out various animal tracks in the snow, and picked a fallen bird’s nest out of the snow, placing it back up on a branch. She had a big, high-quality camera around her neck, and at every available opportunity she brought it up to snap pictures – pictures of animals and plants and interesting clouds and a quick candid shot that nearly scared the hell out of Jody.

They came to a small clearing, and Donna pulled a bag of shelled sunflower seeds out of her pocket. She motioned for Jody to come closer.

“Something else my family did when I was younger. We’d go out into the woods and feed the chickadees.” She grabbed Jody’s hand, making her pulse flutter, but she was bringing it up to sit flat, palm up, and tipped some seeds into her hand. She poured some into her own hand, and the two stood in silence. Every minute or so, a couple of chickadees would fly down to perch on their hands and take some seeds. There was even a single nuthatch, much more cautious than the chickadees, which, after twenty minutes or so, finally came to sit on Donna’s hand, which had her glowing for the rest of the afternoon.

Jody mostly just hoped that the chickadees didn’t mind their sunflower seeds being sweaty.

They decided to head back inside by the time the sun started to dip down below the horizon line, painting the woods in brilliant golds and oranges. They ducked back in the cabin, shucking off their boots and coats. Jody rubbed her hands together to warm up the icicles that used to be her fingers, focusing intently on her hands and not on Donna’s flushed, happy face, or her wind-whipped blonde hair, or her curves that had just been revealed from under her coat.

“So! I’ve got the fixin’s for some roast chicken and veggies, but if you want something else we could make a run in to town.” Jody started, then flushed, feeling stupid for getting so distracted by her dumb crush. She shook her head.

“No, no, that’s fine, chicken sounds great.” She looked up, flashing Donna a smile that probably looked as fake as it felt. “You need some help with that?”

Again, Donna searched her eyes for a moment, but ended up smiling back at her. She turned and lead Jody into the kitchen. Jody dropped her tense smile and her shoulders and blew out a harsh breath as Donna rounded the corner. She scrubbed a hand over her face. _Get a grip, Mills!_ She shook her head to clear it, then hurried to catch up to Donna.

Much like the rest of the cabin, the kitchen had a very rustic, homey feel to it; the appliances weren’t overly old, but they were clearly well-used and well-loved. The table and chairs were polished wood, a dark reddish-brown colour to contrast with the golden-brown of the walls.

Donna was pulling ingredients out of the fridge, piling vegetables on the counter. She glanced over her shoulder at Jody.

“Could you chop up the veggies? We want fairly large chunks.” Jody nodded, pulling a large knife from the knife block while Donna pulled a large double roaster out of the cupboard. They worked together in silence for a while, Jody chopping carrots and onions while Donna trussed up the chicken and put it in the roaster. Pretty soon, they got the chicken in the oven to cook.

“Well, that’ll take about an hour and a half. You wanna get washed up?” Jody grabbed the opening like a lifeline.

“Yeah, for sure! I’ll just be a minute.” She turned and walked down the hall to the bathroom, hoping that Donna didn’t think she was running away from her.

Well, she was running away, but Donna didn’t need to _know_ that.

* * *

Jody had hoped that by the time dinner was ready she’d have herself more under control, and that they could eat without everything being awkward.

Of course, with her luck being what it was, that was never going to happen.

Donna tried valiantly to engage with her throughout dinner, trying everything from generic small-talk to telling her stories of hunts and cases to remarking about the craziness of the past few weeks. Jody appreciated the effort, but her stomach was in knots; talking felt impossible, and despite the fact that the food turned out amazing, she felt too queasy to eat any of it. Mostly, she just stared at her plate and pushed her food around.

“Are you gonna tell me what’s going on?” Jody jumped and whipped her head up to see Donna watching her, her face concerned. Donna sighed, putting her fork down and crossing her arms, leaning on them as she gazed intently at Jody. “Listen, if you don’t wanna talk about it, that’s okay, but the whole point of this weekend was to relax! You’ve been super antsy all day, you’ve barely said a word since we got here, and now you’re not eating? If something’s bothering you, you know I’ll listen, right?”

Jody squirmed in her seat, not meeting Donna’s eyes; of course she knew Donna would listen, but how the hell was she supposed to tell the person that was preoccupying every one of her thoughts that she was preoccupying every one of her thoughts?

Donna sighed again. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’ll just…” She started to get up, about to clear the table.

“I want to tell you.”

Donna froze in her tracks, her eyes slowly moving to lock back on Jody. Jody felt naked with that gaze on her, felt like it could see into her soul. Slowly, Donna sat back down, her eyes open and full of concern and compassion. Jody’s heart ached.

“What’s goin’ on, Jody? What’s eatin’ atchya?”

Jody closed her eyes, taking a deep breath; she felt her breath shake, her throat growing tight with emotion.

“I just… I don’t know how to do this.”

“Do what?”

Jody struggled to find the right words. “I…I’ve told you about Sean, right? My husband. We were together for twelve years – up until our son died, and came back from the dead, and ate him.” Jody paused, breathing deeply to try to calm herself down. It still hurt sometimes, thinking about her old family. “And it took me a while to… to put myself out there again, after they died, but I did, eventually. I didn’t end up finding a serious relationship –” understatement of the century, between the King of Hell trying to murder her and a fellow hunter with serious commitment issues – “but I was doing okay!”

Donna’s face scrunched up in confusion. “Are you…not okay now?”

“Yes! I mean, no, I’m not okay! Well, I am – I’m not not-okay? I’m just,” she huffed a sigh, “I don’t know. I guess I just thought I knew who I was, and it turns out that I don’t,” she shrugged helplessly, “and I don’t know what to do now.”

Donna’s eyes roamed over her face. After a long moment, she spoke up tentatively. “What’s the problem? Do you…not want a relationship anymore? Or you do, but you’re having trouble finding someone? Come on, Jody, let me help.”

Jody shuddered slightly at Donna’s earnest tone. She folded her arms on the table and stared down at where they crossed. “I just mean that I thought I’d have all this shit figured out by now, you know? I mean, I’m almost 50 years old, but I’m freaking out about having feelings for someone like I’m still in high school. Hell, I’m almost 50, and you’d think I’d have figured out by know that, apparently, I’m attracted to women!”

She heard Donna suck in a gasp at that, but now that she had started talking, the floodgates were open and would not be closed again. “Like, has there never been another point in my life where I was attracted to another woman? Did I just confuse it with friendship, or, or platonic appreciation, or something? Why am I only realizing this now? And I am getting freaked out about finding y-her attractive, and then I feel like an asshole for freaking out, like, c’mon, Jody get a grip! I keep ping-ponging back and forth between fear and guilt, and I’ve tried to talk about it before, but I don’t want to fuck up our friendship. I don’t know if she feels the same about me – I don’t even know if she’s interested in women! And I just…”

Jody cut herself off as the lump in her throat grew to be too much to speak around. She brought one of her forearms off the table to brace her forehead against her fist. She fought, unsuccessfully, to stop the tears forming in her eyes from falling. Her voice was thick when she spoke again.

“Why is it, that I can face down monsters and ghosts and demons, but reaching across this table and holding your hand scares the shit out of me?” she whispered.

She felt a tapping against her forearm, and looked up to see Donna, the softest expression possible gracing her face and her arm outstretched across the table.

“Ya know, if you wanted to hold hands, you could’ve just asked,” she said, gentle and compassionate as always. Jody huffed, somewhere in-between a laugh and a sob escaping her throat. She reached out and slipped her hand into Donna’s.

“I’m so sorry, Donna, I didn’t want to hide this from you, but every time I tried to tell you, I just couldn’t find the words, and –”

“Hey, it’s okay, you don’t have to have it all figured out. You think I know what the heck I’m doin'?” Donna grinned, and Jody couldn’t help but chuckle; Donna’s sunshine was contagious in the best way. She took Jody’s chin in her hand, tilting it up so that they looked each other in the eye.

“All I know is, you’re my best friend, and I love you,” Jody’s breath hitched at her words, “and I wanna see where this goes. Is that okay?”

Jody wiped at her eyes, a smile stubbornly forcing its way onto her face. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s fine by me.” Donna smiled at her, all relief and joy and everything that Jody loved about her.

Jody’s gaze fell to the table again, and she winced.

“Sorry for ruining dinner.”

Donna _pshawed_ , waving her off. “It’s fine; I’d rather we skipped dinner than tried to awkwardly force ourselves through it. Besides,” she shrugged, “it makes for good leftovers.”

* * *

The dishes were cleared off the table, the leftovers packed into the fridge, and the lights turned off in the main room. Jody and Donna walked down the hall to the bedrooms. Just as before, Donna turned to Jody at the end of the hall.

“Now, I know you said before that you didn’t wanna room together, but I just thought I’d extend the invitation one last time, in case you changed your mind.”

“Yes!” Jody blurted, “I mean, yes, I, uh, I want to sleep with you. Not like that!” Oh god, now she was babbling, _get a grip, woman._ “Well, not, _not_ like that – oh my god, shut _up, Jody_.” Seriously, they both brought their guns with them; how much would it take to convince Donna to just put her out of her misery.

Probably a lot, based on how Donna was laughing at her. She wasn’t even trying to hide it, loud and bright, with the occasional snort slipping out, which only seemed to send her into further hysterics. She wasn’t even holding herself upright, but was instead leaning on the master bedroom door.

“Well I’m glad this is so entertaining for you,” Jody deadpanned, pointedly ignoring how hot her face was.. Donna’s giggles slowly petered out as she calmed down, trying to catch her breath.

“Sorry, Jodio, I didn’t mean to! You’re welcome to stay with me. And,” Donna caught her eyes, her gaze suddenly intense, “if you wanted to sleep together, _like that_ , I wouldn’t say no.” At that, she cast one last look over her shoulder at Jody as she turned and let herself into the bedroom.

Jody stood, stunned. Her face was on fire, and she could feel a familiar heat pooling low in her core. She shook herself, before practically running to the guest bedroom to get her stuff to move into Donna’s room.

That night, Jody fell apart for the second time in 24 hours; this time, it was by Donna’s skilled hands. They traced every curve and muscle of her body, lighting her nerves on fire. Her lips following close behind, pressing love and tenderness and praise into her skin like a soothing balm for her soul. The two of them panted and moaned, breathing in each other’s air, finding solace in each other’s bodies. As Jody climbed closer and closer to the edge, she felt herself crying, her emotions so confused and raw, and Donna gently kissed every tear away. The warring sensations of fire in her core and the preciousness with which Donna held her were all too much to contain. Jody toppled over the edge of the cliff, every part of her form trembling.

* * *

The next morning, Jody sat out on the deck of the cabin to watch the sun rise. The February air was cold on her face, but it grounded her, keeping her in the moment. After some time, Donna came out to join her, two mugs of hot chocolate in her hands. She passed one to Jody, pressing a kiss to her temple as she did so. Jody blushed, feeling lighter than she had in years.

“Look over there,” Donna said, pointing to a small splash of colour near the edge of the stairs. A tiny purple crocus was poking up through the snow. “The first crocus of the year.”

Jody smiled softly. Somehow, that tiny purple flower made her feel like everything was going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun Fact: Crocuses symbolize eternal love, as well as joy and gladness. They're a flower often associated with spring, due to their hardiness, and how early they bloom in the year.
> 
> All of the activities that Donna mentions in this fic - finding the first spring crocuses, feeding chickadees, the roast chicken & vegetables - are all things that my family have as traditions.


End file.
